je suis dilemme

i dunno wat's wrong with me

2 days ago, everything seems fine

yesterday, i just found out my true self

as been judge by others

i guess

i have to learn more

about myself

i'm sorry dear

i weren't able to act maturely this time

i'm sorry i made me and you suffer

i had no idea

why i have been behaving this way

may because ...

i was too afraid that

i would lost your love

because i been your attention all this while

oh god

please help me through

i'm having trial another 2 days

haven been preparing well enough

there were too much of trouble

oh god

please give me strength

please guide me through this pain

so that

i could return to my own self

i been missing someone lately

i had no idea why

been trying to get rid this feeling

so that i won't get hurt one day

i know that i'm selfish

but i'm too afraid to follow what my heart say

because i haven seen the solidness in it

that makes me hesitates so much

what should i do god

i have been suffering all this while

but who knows

dear god

please guide me through this

so that i would be able to excellent in my studies

no regrets later

oh god

i beg for your forgiveness

for me being selfish all this while

please help me through

by showing me the solution

so that

i would have a peace of mind

thks...

amour

I hope my ideal guy will be like this quotation:-

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you' re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU... The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her...

coeur en ce moment

Empty

Tried to take a picture 

Of love
Didn't think I'd miss her 
That much
I wanna fill this new frame
But it's empty 

Tried to write a letter
In ink
It's been getting better
I think
I got a piece of paper
But it's empty
It's empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing 
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

And I even wonder 
If we
Should be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But it's empty
It's empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing 
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oooooh
Oh oh
Oh oh

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing 
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

(Maybe we're trying)
(Trying too hard)
(Maybe we're torn apart)
We're empty
(Maybe the timing)
(Is beating our hearts)
We're empty

émotion en ce moment

"Perfect"

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all 
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and 
We can't go back
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it 
I just want to make you proud 
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

'Cuz we lost it all 
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and 
We can't go back
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

'Cuz we lost it all 
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and 
We can't go back
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect

'Cuz we lost it all 
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and 
We can't go back
I'm sorry 
I can't be perfect

detruit dans me

today, seems to be a depressing day for me. those who only takes AS maths are going to finish their exams. envy them. mine, 2 WEEKS to go. sob sob. well, today reading econs econs econs n econs. sounds depressing with econs right? nvr mind cz i find econs now more interesting than before. well done father! you have choose the right course for me(p.s. actually i still prefer psychology!) whatever, nothing much i can do about it. something been bothering me these few weeks. something wrong with me i guess (weirdo) arghh....since everyone is happy around me it's fine. good luck for minasan in their exam...LOL(to destress, keke)!!!

confusion dans moi

i began to realise that i need to try to open my heart. not only for studies but also in life itself. i been neglecting the whole idea of warmness of my heart to other people. i been keeping everything to myself bcz i can't afford people to look through me. maybe it's bcz i can't bear to get hurt again. so now, should i or should i not open my heart to others? should i just be just like me now? actually, i noe no one could actually give me d right answer except for myself. trying to avoid it as i could. it's nice to blog when there's no one who noes about you in real life, cz you jz can pour everything from your heart. anyway, i'm happy now cz bro return to my family. we all miss him vry much! 

p.s. welcome back to my life bro!